A Survivor’s To Do List

Having survived cancer twice and walking the path with others through their journey has at times been difficult. Many others with the same diagnosis have not survived. Why me? Why did I survive? I’m very grateful but why am I different? They call it survivors guilt. Why am I still here but they are not? Those who passed on are no different from me. Who should live and who shouldn’t??

After some time, my thought process changed to just accepting the fact that He chose to leave me here on this earth a while longer so He can still use me and He has a purpose for me to still be breathing. In my mind, I know that God loves me unconditionally but I think I must do something great for Him because I owe it to Him.  I am still living like there are conditions for my having survived and still being here. I am living like there are conditions for His love For me. Because I am still here living as a survivor, I’m living like I have to show God and repay Him by works for how grateful I am. I have developed my own conditions that I must always be searching for something great to do for Him to pay Him back for preserving my life here on earth.

In my quiet time one day, words came to me that hit my core deep. “You are still on earth because of my grace and my love for you. You don’t owe me anything. I gave you the gift of extended life. It’s a gift- just accept it. Your conditions you came up with cannot separate my love for you. Your conditions will not stop my grace or love in your life.” Wow! It felt like a good gut punch!

His love for me is not based upon what I do for Him. He does not have a list of things I must do in order for Him to love me. I had come up with a mental list of what I thought I needed to do to make God love me and have grace on me. The list is a lie. God doesn’t love any of us because we are saved and have checked off everything on a list. He saved us because He loves each one of us, unconditionally, without a list. “But God is so rich in mercy, and He loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, He gave us life when He raised Christ from the dead. It’s only by God‘s grace that I have been saved.” Eph. 2:4-5

Nothing can separate me, or us, from that love. “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.” Rom. 8:38

He sets us free from our broken selves and self-imposed list of conditions by loving us enough to grant us grace, save us and give us worth. Our worth comes from His grace - His favor on us. Grace gives us a blessing we don’t deserve but He does it because He loves us. “God is able to make all grace abound to you.” 2 Cor. 9:8

The fact that He chose to leave me on this earth was a love gift to me. When you receive a gift and you open it up to find out what’s inside, the giver doesn’t look at you and say “now you owe me $50 plus tax.” A gift is FREE. God gave me the gift of continuing life here on earth, but it’s a gift; I don’t owe Him anything for it. “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above.” James 1:17a His grace is a debt I can never pay back and He does not expect me to. He saved me from a physical and spiritual death just because He loves me. His grace is a gift to me. God loves us all SO much!

“But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Rom. 5:8

Just accept His gift. Just because He answers a big prayer or does something good in your life, that doesn’t necessarily mean you owe Him something. Allow Him to express His love to you as a gift of grace-undeserved but He LOVES each of us! “God lives in us and His love is brought to full expression in us.” 1 John 4:12 I am loved! YOU are loved!

“For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift – not from works, (or my list of conditions) so that no one can boast.” Eph. 2:8-9

Know that there is absolutely nothing that you can do that will make God love you less and have less grace on you!